City People

After nearly a decade of living in Toronto (!) it's getting harder every year to claim that I'm a "small-town" girl. But the truth is, even 10 years in, there's certain basic city-living concepts that I just don't get.

On my drive to Ottawa yesterday, I had a lot of time stuck in traffic to reflect and compose an incomplete list of things that still confuse me:

Nicknames for Hospitals: Look, I understand that it's confusing to Torontonians when I make references to going to "the store" (D&B Convenience), "the show" (the movies) or "the city" (Edmonton). When it comes to living in a larger community, specifics are necessary.

But I still haven't grasped why all city people seem to know not only the name and location of every single hospital, but also have nicknames for them (St. Mike's, St. Joe's, etc.). Why not just call it "the hospital"? Unless you're going to see a specialist, does it really matter what hospital you're going to? (Weirder still is that if you don't specify what hospital, you'll be asked.)

400-series highways: effectively killing all joy associated with road-trips since. . .always.

Freeway "collectors": What the fuck is a collector and what purpose does it serve? Why do I need to know that "traffic on the collectors is moving slowly"? I'm sure I could Google this and figure it out, but I'd almost rather remain ignorant.

Further (and this is a rant, not a lack of understanding) what is with the ardent belief in the superiority of 400-series highways? Do drivers actually enjoy staring at concrete barricades for hours at a time, only to refuel at cookie cutter road-side stops? I don't get it.

Police force hierarchy: Also falling into the language generalizations category, I don't understand the structure of law enforcement. What's the difference between the OPP, the RCMP and the Toronto Police Service? At the end of the day, aren't police just police?

Oh, hey there Tigerlily. Thanks for getting my black dress ready for the bachelorette party tonight. I knew my outfit was missing something. You're right--cat hair really is the perfect accessory.

One thing I do get? The reason why bachelorette parties have more potential to be fun in a city context. Time to get off my computer and pick up supplies for tonight: condoms, an empty box, handcuffs and some bananas.