You and me going fishin' in the dark

The full ice fishing story is to come shortly. In the meantime, here are the highlights:

Things Chloé dropped in the hole:

• a bag of apples (retrieved)
• a Scrabble tile (the letter O--thankfully it wasn't an X or a Z)
• a C-sized battery
• herself (don't tell her mom)

Best Quotes:

"Are they going fishing?"- Fisherman from Michigan before we even hit the ice.

"We don't get good looking girls like you around here. Don't worry, we're keeping you on a low profile." -Andrew, explaining that the population of Georgina would not be notified of our arrival.

"Stop falling the holes." -Me

"I can't. The holes are everywhere!" -Chloé

"I didn't mean to catch it!" -Me, upon catching my first fish

"Isn't that the whole point of fishing?" -Chloé

Things we caught:

• a crayfish
• around three perch each, of varying sizes, which we threw back
• one gobi fish (an invasive species)

Number of times we screamed:

At least once for each fish caught, once when Chloé fell in the hole (although I was laughing too hard to join her in screaming) and once when there was nearly an unfortunate incident involving the propane stove.

The Cookie Chronicles: A Photo Essay

The following is a story about the kindness of strangers. Either that, or a story about why you should choose your wireless network names carefully. (Take whatever moral lesson from it that you will.)

(The above is actually a white lie. Chloé was not "doing some baking." The baking happened for the express purpose of supplying apartment five with cookies.)

Bell438 has no clue what they're missing.

Shameless self-promotion: my tiara adventure

Hi friends,

My first big-timey magazine piece is on newsstands right now in Chatelaine's May 2012 issue. (It's probably my first big-timey piece as a direct consequence of the fact that I'm apt to use phrases like big-timey.) Page 151. Run out and buy it now.

Or, if you're feeling lazy and poor, you can just click on over to my portfolio site to read the pixelated version.

And, of course, if you missed reading about my pageant adventures the first time around, they're all right here in reverse chronological order.

Thanks for all the high-fives and support.

City People

After nearly a decade of living in Toronto (!) it's getting harder every year to claim that I'm a "small-town" girl. But the truth is, even 10 years in, there's certain basic city-living concepts that I just don't get.

On my drive to Ottawa yesterday, I had a lot of time stuck in traffic to reflect and compose an incomplete list of things that still confuse me:

Nicknames for Hospitals: Look, I understand that it's confusing to Torontonians when I make references to going to "the store" (D&B Convenience), "the show" (the movies) or "the city" (Edmonton). When it comes to living in a larger community, specifics are necessary.

But I still haven't grasped why all city people seem to know not only the name and location of every single hospital, but also have nicknames for them (St. Mike's, St. Joe's, etc.). Why not just call it "the hospital"? Unless you're going to see a specialist, does it really matter what hospital you're going to? (Weirder still is that if you don't specify what hospital, you'll be asked.)

400-series highways: effectively killing all joy associated with road-trips since. . .always.

Freeway "collectors": What the fuck is a collector and what purpose does it serve? Why do I need to know that "traffic on the collectors is moving slowly"? I'm sure I could Google this and figure it out, but I'd almost rather remain ignorant.

Further (and this is a rant, not a lack of understanding) what is with the ardent belief in the superiority of 400-series highways? Do drivers actually enjoy staring at concrete barricades for hours at a time, only to refuel at cookie cutter road-side stops? I don't get it.

Police force hierarchy: Also falling into the language generalizations category, I don't understand the structure of law enforcement. What's the difference between the OPP, the RCMP and the Toronto Police Service? At the end of the day, aren't police just police?

Oh, hey there Tigerlily. Thanks for getting my black dress ready for the bachelorette party tonight. I knew my outfit was missing something. You're right--cat hair really is the perfect accessory.

One thing I do get? The reason why bachelorette parties have more potential to be fun in a city context. Time to get off my computer and pick up supplies for tonight: condoms, an empty box, handcuffs and some bananas.

Death by Man-Eating Fish

Dear Andrew,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response to my original email. I called last Friday and we’ve booked an ice fishing hut for the night of Saturday, February 11th. We’re both very excited.

However, I have some additional questions that I couldn’t find the answers to on your website:

1. What time should we arrive? (I couldn’t find the times on your website for when “night” ice fishing runs.) In order to get an intro to ice fishing, what would be a good time to arrive? (As is probably clear from my questions, the more guidance we receive, the better.)

2. I know the huts are heated, but how cold will it be during the night? Should we bring winter camping gear (ie-sleeping bags) or will regular-strength sleeping bags be sufficient? Other than food and tackle, is there anything else we should bring?

3. I’ve read that ice fishing requires being quiet. Do you think that we’ll keep the fish away if we quietly talk about our feelings while in the hut?

4. How long does it take to get an ice fishing license? (Would we just be able to stop at Bass Pro Shops on our way up? Or would it be advisable to secure them further in advance?)

5. Chloé’s mom is concerned that Chloé will fall in. I’m not sure if she was referring to falling through the hole or through the ice in general. (I’m assuming the latter is her primary concern since I’m guessing the hole isn’t a giant gaping hole in the ice?) Chloé just turned 27, so it’s important that she doesn’t fall through the ice and die at this juncture in her life. (Although if fish do get lonely, I’m sure they’d appreciate her company.) Has this ever occurred?

6. In my hometown of Cold Lake, Alberta, there is a giant man-eating fish called the Kinosoo. Locals say that’s why the trout in the lake are so large—they’re descendants of the Kinosoo. (Chloé and I are pretty sure we heard the Kinosoo one night while we were skating on the lake. It was terrifying.) Are there any giant man-eating fish that we should be aware of?

Finally, we’d love if we can rent rods and if you’d be willing to fillet a fish for Chloé (assuming we catch anything). You’re also more than welcome to join us for a game of Scrabble or a beer, if it comes to that.

Best,

Jessica