27 Candles

As a consequence of having acquired a common-law partner, I seriously doubt that I have any mysterious benefactors out there (it really comes as no surprise that my male readership has dropped substantially over the last four years). But just in case there's some Internet perv out there who wants to buy me stuff, here's what I want for my birthday this year:

Lulu Lemons

With exactly a month left until I'll be boarding my plane to Peru, I'm desperately in need of new Lulu Lemons. I bought one pair in 2006 and I've since worn them faithfully through Vanuatu, Australia, Guyana and on countless plane rides across Canada. They never stretch out, they dry quickly and they can (arguably) be dressed up or down.

But they're expensive and unfortunately the knock-offs just won't do. (Trust me, I've tried. Nothing quite repels the smell of week-old backpacking filth like my trusty Lulus.) My current ones are pilled and worn and with four days of hiking planned, it would be nice to have two pairs.




Laptop/All Purpose Tote Bag
I'm not a purse girl. Not only do I hate the word purse, I hate the act of carrying them. As a result, my bag selection is limited to the bare necessities (a blue satin clutch for weddings, a vintage black snakeskin purse for the rare night out, a small over-shoulder bag that just fits my phone and wallet, and my everyday tote for coupon-carrying). So every time I leave the house to do work, I turn into a bag lady--one bag for my wallet and another for my laptop and work notes.

And while I love carrying my work things in my Toronto Public Library tote, I hate carrying multiple bags. I'd love to have just one nice-looking tote that I can fit everything into, including my MacBook.

Pampering 
I've been joking a lot lately that I can't tell the difference between the hipsters and the homeless in Parkdale. I think that this statement may shortly apply to me.

I need a hair cut. Seriously. I've been cutting my own hair with a pair of shears purchased from the drug store. I suspect a child could do a better job. Throw in a pedicure and I'll be a happy girl.

Tattoo Time!
I haven't gotten a tattoo in nearly three years now and I have something in mind. Two things in mind, actually.

However, unlike all those "street" kids sitting at the corner of Bathurst and Queen, I don't have disposable income to spend on getting inked.

The LBD
I want every single dress and playsuit on the Motel Rocks website right now. (But if I really have to narrow it down, my top choices are the Bella dress in Night Sky Grey, the Dalphine Triangle dress, the Erica Triangle dress, the Melissa dress, the Lesley dress in peach or black, the Nina dress in black. I don't ask for much.) UK size 10 please.

[Edit: After finding a 25% off promo code online, I broke down and bought the Bella and Melissa dresses. I seriously need Gail Vaz-Oxlade to come and take my credit card away. But at least I'll look cute when she does it.]

Bathrobe
On my way-too-practical birthday wish list, this has to be the most unsexy. Seriously, if a mysterious Internet benefactor was instructed to buy this for my birthday, I feel like he (or she--who knows?) would be seriously disappointed. I tried to counteract this request by choosing a sexy bathrobe picture--because obviously, this is always what I look like in a bathrobe. (And not this.)

My current bathrobe is begging to be retired. My grandma gave the flannel number to me in 2002 and after 10 years of daily use, its threadbare back has developed large holes.