Saturday, January 12, 2008

I can see clearly now, the game is on.

Last night, I went up to the Victory Cafe for Dan's slow march to death (otherwise known as his twenty-seven birthday celebration). The two questions of the night were: "Are you from Edmonton?" and "Are you in j-school at Ryerson?" You can't avoid either factor, wherever you go.

But, by far, the most awkward question of the night was, "How do you know Dan?"

"Well, it's a long story. We're both at Ryerson."

"Do you know him from Edmonton? Or from Ryerson?"

"Well. Neither. I know Dan from the Internet, sort of. It's a long story . ."

So, here's the long and awkward story that I ended up reluctantly reciting about 5 times to people with raised eyebrows:

Back in 2003, when I went to the U of A, I stalked members of The Gateway (the U of A's student newspaper) via their unofficial blog. Each became a character to me, but I was most fascinated by David Berry. The school year ended, I decided university wasn't for me (humorous considering that I'm now completing year six) and moved back to Cold Lake. Dave, at this same point in time, left for Europe and started a travel blog, which I started leaving anonymous tips and recommendations on. Dave was curious who I was, so our relationship escalated to an e-mail friendship. My best friend Chloe (of calendar fame) then began working at the Gateway, where a copy of the infamous calendar somehow made its way into David Berry's hands, which is probably the first time Dan heard of me.

Dan and I officially met in January of 2006 (I believe) but I knew of him well before this, and he thought I was funny: the first time we met was right after I declared 2006 Year of the Beard, and Dan had a beard. We didn't talk much, but were at the same jazz bar on the same night. Dan then began stalking me (his words, not mine) on the Internet and became a regular reader of this blog. Then we became Facebook friends, without ever leaving each other messages. So, technically, after 6 years of knowing of Dan, I only just really met Dan this year, in Toronto. In September, I bumped into in the hallway at school and recruited him for McClung's. The End.

Why this story is embarassing and too long to explain: Dan and I are technically digital or Internet friends, who have tons of mutual "real life" or analog friends. Factoring in explaining about "the" calendar and Year of the Beard just makes the story that much long. And really, when it comes down to it, kind of boring. (But it proves that you too, can be my friend!)

Dan holding the "no" birthday beer: the last beer of the night, that someone handed him, that he knew he shouldn't drink. Somehow, he found the willpower to resist and said no to the last three quarters of the "no" beer.

I got my new glasses (first pair of new frames in 8 years). Slipping them on, I immediately had to call Alex Dodd. "Is this what real people see like?" I asked him. "I can read signs that are like two blocks away clearly! And I can see hard lines and shapes! I feel like I have super human vision! Is this really what normal people see like?"

It turns out that I have been living life with much less than 20/20 vision for a long time now. It's crazy. I can even see my computer screen in front of me. Now there's no reason to lose at Spider Solitare.

In other news, I tried to watch the Notebook last night just to kill time before I went out. I figured it decided another chance, since it's gotten so much gushing praise from every female I know ever. The Notebook, however, is possibly almost as boring as Sarah Michelle Gellar's forgotten flop Simply Irresistable (a movie that included a magical crab as part of the winning plotline). I like Rachel McAdams, but the movie is so monumentally boring that I started fast-forwarding it to the "interesting" parts. Only problem? There are none.

Seriously, how did this movie get dubbed the greatest love story ever? Even Dirty Dancing has a more entertaining plot. And the fact that they are the old people? How were people surprised by that? I mean, seriously? (And am I the only one who can only see geeky Shaun of Breaker High when I look at Canadian alleged "heart-throb" Ryan Gosling?)

This concludes another lesson in why I'm bad at being a girl.


  1. Thank God someone else wasn't obsessed with the Notebook. I was extremely disappointed. And ALL Nicholas Sparks novels end in the same of the main characters die.
    Could tell from the commercials what the "twist" was. Brutal.

    You mean you don't love magical crabs? hahahahahahaha

    Rockin' glasses!

  2. It's all about the solidarity.

  3. Well that just makes me sound like a wuss. Also wasn't the plot of Simply Irresistible that SMG was a witch?

  4. Arguably asinine, but it must be said: Ryan Gosling with a beard.

  5. I believe I met Dan during a visit to the Gateway while in second-year, when I covered a volleyball tournament in Edmonton for The Eyeopener.
    Why are our lives so entwined, jess? whyyyyy?
    Maybe you should tell Dan how I met you, or rather, noticed you.

  6. Anonymous12:11 PM

    Your new glasses are hot!

  7. Anonymous12:26 PM

    Yes, but Shaun grew up and he grew up well.
    At times, though, when I'm watching a Gosling movie, I still say "Note to self" and giggle.