Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Evil Eye(s)

Eye Update Time!

I get asked two questions on a near-daily basis. Half of the time they're prompted out of genuine sympathy, and the other half of the time they're due to my self-deluded belief that people are genuinely interested in other people's ailments:*

"How are your eyes?"

"You still have an eye infection? I thought that was gone?"

(The latter question is usually said with a note a disbelief that is reserved for hypochrondriacs and those who don't aim to actually cure their ailments because they prefer to complain about them.)

The answer? Yes, the eye infection is still kicking. Every morning I wake up to discharge and have to clean out my eyes. It's fun.

Every night I inspect my eyes to see if they're getting better. They're not. (I really encourage you to click on the photo and check out the high-res version. You can see every last capillary in my eye, which is kind of cool, if you're into that kind of thing. I would be--if it wasn't my own eyes.)

I'm going to the eye doctor again tomorrow. He told me, "It will probably clear up in another 2 or 3 weeks." That was 9 weeks ago. I'm glad I'm paying for this kind of quality medical advice.**

All I want for Christmas is to go home pus-free and clear-eyed. Is that too much to ask?


*Which nobody is, really. Unless it's scabies, a curable STI with a humorous story attached or a parasitic infection.

Things people don't like discussing: incurable STIs, mental illness and mystery eye infections that don't really have any negative sympathy-worthy symptoms or consequences apart from preventing the inflicted from partying, staying up late and wearing makeup.

**I'm actually not paying. I can't afford this kind of nonsense, at $40-80 per visit for this guy to tell me I still have an eye infection (no shit!), so I've been charging it to my Dad's credit card.


  1. Anonymous11:41 PM

    maybe you should go see a naturopath and actually be proactive

  2. Naturopath: "Yes, you have an eye infection. Take these all-natural 3 herbal remedies that will you cost you $20 a bottle for 15 pills each. Oh, and here's you bill for this $40 visit."

    I don't see how switching from a doctor to a naturopath could really make a difference. But maybe I'm missing something.

    Sorry. I've been working long hours. I'm cranky.

  3. I'd have to agree with that. It's not like I'm actually on any mystery medication right now. I've actually been prescribed with the most natural way of healing, "Here's some nonmedicated eyedrops to keep your eyes moist. Get lots of sleep, and give it time." I'm beginning to think I need something in the polar opposite of a naturopath.

  4. You need an eye transplant. I actually had no idea that your eyes were still so nasty. I thought you were in the, it's pretty much gone but I'm just waiting it out to be sure phase. That is le lame. But you're still pretty.

    I'm excited for our McClung's fest on Monday. There better be baked goodness involved.

  5. A naturopath is definitely not thee answer, but I do think that you should take a whole body and mind overview of your health. You're way to sick to be healthy.

    Do you have any good recipes involving bananas? I've got about 80 of them in my fridge, waiting to become baked goods.

  6. Anonymous7:27 PM

    What's all this slagging of naturopaths. No fair. They have to pay bills too, you know.

  7. Anonymous8:13 PM

    I clicked!
    Could be a wild screen-saver though.

  8. When I got an eye infection I used Clear Eyez stuff, ya know the stuff that Ben Stein touts... anyways it worked. How? It makes the capillaries smaller and thus less blood, less stuff to feed off of, or less surface area for the whatever to get food from. Mine was gone shortly after.

    I have the feeling I've posted this before.

  9. Wait wait wait -- Canadians pay for medical care? I thought you all lived in some kind of medical utopia up there with cheap prescriptions and free doctor visits full of flowers and candy? What gives? My entire world-view has just been shattered!

  10. Lol. I don't even understand Canadian Health Care. Health care is wonky because it's actually provincial, not national. And from my understanding, if I had Ontario health care, the visits would be covered, but because I have Alberta health care (which is apparently not as good) the visits are not covered. Only certain things are covered in certain provinces. . .

    Like, right now I don't have to pay to visit a family doctor (so, yes, there are free doctor visits, although I haven't gotten a sucker in a while), but I have to pay for a percentage of my medication. My understanding is that basic health care and emergency health care (apart from ambulances--those cost like $400 or something) are covered, and then your personal benefits have to cover the rest.

    Maybe someone else out there knows?