Friday, October 19, 2007

Dear Aerosmith: Pink is not the love you discover.

To all those assholes with smirks on their faces who keep asking me, "You know where pink eye comes from, don't you?" I challenge you to:

a) find me proof from a source other than a summer blockbuster that pink eye has anything to do with fecal matter and

b) come up with a more creative joke. Because I've had pink eye for nearly a month now, so even though I humoured you and laughed the first six times, it wasn't funny then, and it certainly isn't funny now.

I think this picture was taken when round 2 of the pink eye was starting to clear up. I was angry because my eyelids were still swollen and covered in eczema, and the D. Dodd was on his way to visit.

After over a year of dating (yes, to all the digital friends--I'm still dating Alex Dodd--our relationship just now consists of Scrabulous and 3000 kilometers of sheer land mass between us) I was finally going to meet Alex's mom. We rented a car from National Car Rental, who boast on their wall that they are "ready when you're ready." That's funny, considering that we had to wait 3 hours to get the economy car that we had reserved. (And we didn't even get that--we ended up driving away in a Ford Ranger. I had never driven in Toronto before. It's a good thing that I'm a typical Albertan and learned how to drive in a half ton truck. )

The wait nearly caused us to break up. But only because it gave me more time to stare at Alex Dodd's shoes.

Finally, much later than ancitipated, we started the drive to Owen Sound.

And I took the time to admire my crystal clear eyes. (If only I was to know it wouldn't last.)

Alex Dodd's mom was very much your typical mom. When we went to bed on Saturday night, Alex said to me, "I'm surprised she didn't pull out the baby pictures." However, his mom made up for lost time by pulling them out first thing on Sunday morning. I obligingly flipped through it in the quickest manner possible while his mom made cooing noises. Alex saved me by telling her, "Jess really doesn't like babies." It's true. And really, do I want to think of my boyfriend as a baby? Not exactly a turn-on.

I dropped Alex off in London and started the drive back to Toronto on the 401 alone. It was a route I've been on a dozen times before, but never behind the wheel. Foot on the pedal, weaving through the lanes with ease, I had a distinct moment of feeling like and Ontarion. That is, until I realized I was driving a pickup truck in a sea of minivans and economy cars. It's hard to let go.

The pink eye officially came back full-force on Wednesday night for a third round, complete with oozing and swelling. I went to a doctor again yesterday and she was shocked by the original date for pink eye on my file: September 22nd. Apparently it might be a pink eye superbug, so she took a swab of my eye and sent me off running with a new antibotic.

This can't last forever, right?


  1. I drove the 401 through an exceptionally foggy night about 10 years ago. I was heading back to Syracuse, NY after a two week tour that had taken me through Toronto into Detroit, Indianapolis, Milwaukee, Chicago and back. It was 1AM by the time I crossed the US\CA border and I had planned to drive through the night (my favorite time to drive). At one point, I ended up on a "shortcut" road -- Highway 3 I think it was?

    I was the only car on the road. The fog was as thick as mud and I couldn't see a damn thing. But I had a solid AM radio signal of "Coast-to-Coast AM" talking about UFOs and alien abductions and such.

    It was the most surreal drive I've ever made and I thought for sure I was going to be abducted that night! The most fun I have ever had driving through Ontario (or anywhere else for that matter!) I think about it every time someone mentions the 401!

    And, on a completely unrelated note, I think AD needs a new pair of Adidas for [insert your favorite Winter holiday here].

  2. Rev. - they were $30 Payless rip-offs (pun intended) and Jess did actually threaten to break up with me if I didn't buy new shoes, which I since have. She's a good motivator that way.

    J. - It's Ontarian, but you almost got it this time. And no it won't last forever, that much I can guarantee. And I think that I officially do not have pink eye despite being in close proximity to your eyes for lengthy periods of time as well as sharing sheets.

    I hope you emerge from your cocoon soon.

  3. ugh i feel for you

  4. eye. Change your pillow case every night,your towels, don't touch your eye and touch anything else...Ummmmmmmm...
    forget about contacts for a while and get rid of mascara, eyeliner,etc.

    That's all I can remember. *shrugs*
    Hope you feel better soon.

  5. Thanks for the advice, but I've definitely done ALL those things and then some.

  6. Anonymous4:35 PM

    You don't like baby pictures or babies? Interesting.

    I like poring over photo albums of friends and family. I see old photos as evidence of past life that helps me understand how people got to be who they are now.