Monday, March 26, 2007

The mirror face

When I first started this blog, people would always complain that I'd put what they deemed "ugly" pictures of them on the Internet, and only choose the most attractive of pictures of myself for posting.

Those people obviously don't read my blog: Case in point.*

With that being said, Facebook is ruining my life. Ex-boyfriends are coming out of the woodwork and adding me as a friend, and naturally they are going to wonder what I look like after not seeing me for five plus years. (I'm not being egotistical here. I do it to other people. And I know other people do it to me. That's the problem, amongst the many problems, with Facebook.) And while I have some control over this, for the most part, this is determined by all you assholes who keep putting ugly pictures of me on the Internet!**

Once in a while, there are photos posted that I'm okay with:

For example, this is a good one from CMW. It gets my stamp of approval.

However, that picture is a rarity. Let's look at another sampling of photos posted of me on Facebook:

This one was taken of Julia and I this weekend. For the most part it's not that bad, and Julia looks pretty hot. My only serious complaint is the disgusting layer of red wine gunk and lipstick that has formed around my lips. And of course, my pose for this particular picture only emphasizes this fact. But I can live with this one.

This picture however, I have a serious problem with. It was taken during the Steam Whistle Incident and I will acknowledge that it's my own fault for drinking too much and looking like trash. But, why, why, why, must this be the first thing that my best friend from grade 2 must see upon adding me as a friend?

However, in this photo, also posted by Jonny, taken the same night, I don't look half bad.

I can't complain about this picture because I find it pretty much the most hilarious picture ever. It was taken of Ben and I at the Wan Bigfella Fundraiser, showing off our killer dance moves.

I was not drinking when this picture was taken, I was just being my normal awesome self. My favourite things about this picture is the obvious wet armpit stain in combination with the huge hole in my armpit, and the fact that I'm pratically pulling a Lindsay Lohan with my skirt. Good work me.

And while I love this picture, again, it makes me wonder, do I really want the quiet girl who sat beside me in grade 10 social studies to see this without knowing any contextual information?***

Here's another winner. Yes, that's right. I'm having a baby. Wanna fight about it? (Oh wait. I posted this picture. Nevermind. Bad example. I think it's a funny picture, but I'm still left wondering if I really want my unrequited crush of 5 years to look at this and think, "Whoa, I never thought she'd become a fatty!")

Here's another good example. I'm barely in this picture, yet I've been tagged. I look like a prehistoric bird.

But none of this really bothered me that much, until today, when the line was crossed:

Which is when this picture appeared on the Facebook scene. How was I the only one who didn't notice that a picture was being taken?

This has to be one of the least attractive pictures of me known to man. I look like a decidedly prehistoric, unfeminine bird ranting about something that's quite potentially boring. Judging from the shape of my lips in the ranting process, it's also entirely possible that spittle was also flying from my mouth onto the guy I was talking to.

Why? Oh, why?! This picture was actually added moments after my ex-boyfriend from junior high school, who used to brag about how attractive I was (am?) added me as a friend. Great. Now it will be the first picture to show up! (And he'll be like, "Oh, she's still mouthy. No shock there." Which is true, I guess.)

And the worst part is, I know that realistically this isn't Facebook's fault. No, this isn't even the assholes who tag me on Facebook's fault. It's entirely my fault for being so unphotogenic.


*Just for the record, that picture was chosen randomly from a random month. I'm sure I could the same for any other month in a matter of seconds, because this site is littered with hilariously awful and decidedly unattractive picture of me. And I'm okay with that.

**I do know that I could untag said photos, but that'd be like denying that it's me in the pictures, and pretty much like telling a lie. And I'm not a liar.

***Context is the difference between the blog and facebook. At least I think it is.


  1. Ahh, the joys of Facebook photos. There's some real knockout pics of me too.

  2. My dear Jess. You know full well that you are a photogenic person. I know this and say so because you know the same is true of me. It's simply because there is no camera or photographer on the planet that can capture the true, momentary and instantaneous essence of the experience that is you... or I for that matter. There are only a few snapshots that we live with and declare "meh, it's alright I suppose."

  3. Wait, I meant to say that you know full well that you're NOT a photogenic person. And I mean that in the best possible way.

    You take ugly pictures.

  4. Anonymous8:07 PM

    You know what could be fun is to take those pics and photoshop yourself breathing fire or something. Then re-post them on facebook. That would be cool.

  5. Anonymous9:45 PM

    you kill me.

  6. You look like you're listing something in the last picture. It's very appropriate. And I think it's actually your own fault for having facebook. I am by no means dissing facebook, I just saying that you need to be able to deal with this kind of back lash. Besides, you're hot, and you know it. Fuck what the picture's say.

  7. Anonymous1:26 AM

    Sorry about that pic I posted of us. I definetly had no idea because all I saw were the thumbnails before I posted them.
    If would like to see some bad pics of me.. go through mine on facebook until halloween starts showing up. You'll be in for a treat. haha

  8. haha
    I dont think the third picture is all that bad. not saying it is a GOOD picture of you or anything, but not a terrible picture. When I go to my dads i will post a picture of you in the housemaid outfit that i have thats hot.

  9. Excellent. There needs to be more hot pictures of me.