I have dated only bearded men for 340 days this year. (That's not to imply that I dated 340 men or that I dated a bearded man for 340 days of this year. Granted, I spent most of the year single, as per usual, but it is still the sheer weight of the fact that this is the first resolution that I haven't broken. Amazing.)
Only 25 days left in 2006: Year of the Rash. Who knew I would come this far?
Can somebody please throw me a celebration party or something? I think I deserve some champagne and maybe a cake with a bearded man on it or perhaps just a miniature statue of a bearded man, because I think that asking for a real bearded man on a cake might be asking a little bit too much. The soundtrack could be entirely of men who have beards at pivotal points in their music careers, as all good male musicians do. Oh, and if we could have that Ewan McGregor motorcycle documentary where he's all scruffy going on big screens in the background? That would be great too. I haven't quite figured out what the party favours should be, but I'm thinking that the goodie bags could contain both razors and fake beards, so that everyone has the choice. (The party favours will also serve as quite heavy symbolization of the new options open to me regarding facial hair in the new year. Hell, in 2007 I could date someone with a chin strap or mutton chops, or even a guy with one of those weird diseases where you can't grow hair at all if I wanted! The possibilities are endless!) And for table centrepieces we could get some of those barbershop heads, and everyone could craft them accordingly with the provided scissors, fur and glitter. We could even have a contest where people could choose my 2007 resolution for me! There should also be an engraved trophy, and perhaps a framed certificate of achievement. Is this all too much to ask?
Because not only do I think that I'd really like that, I think I really deserve it.