This morning I'm thinking about placenta.
Eating placenta, to be exact.
Like, are there recipes out there for cooking placenta? And if there are recipes, who exactly concoted them? Did some woman hire a chef to use her placenta to create a myriad of different recipes, and then there was an Iron Chef type tasting at the end of it all, complete with subtitles? How exactly does that work? And how would the chef test their work? They couldn't exactly taste a spoonful out of the pot just to make sure it was seasoned correctly.
After scouring google for a bit, I found some solid recipes in September 1983's issue of "Mothering Magazine" but not much beyond that. Apparently it's because you're supposed to eat the placenta raw in order to gain the delicious hormonal nutrient fun. So, I guess smoothies are actually the way to go.
I think if I ever had kids, I'd probably serve myself up a placenta smoothie just so I could call myself a cannibal. And then I'd probably dehydrate the rest, put it in storage, and at a later point in time feed it to my kids so that they'd also be cannibals.
Then again, I'd also be the kind of person to get pregnant just so that I could tell people I had a parasite for 9 months.
*The alternate title of this blog post is: Why I Will Never Be Allowed to Have Children