Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I need to get out of the house

This morning I'm thinking about placenta.

Eating placenta, to be exact.

Like, are there recipes out there for cooking placenta? And if there are recipes, who exactly concoted them? Did some woman hire a chef to use her placenta to create a myriad of different recipes, and then there was an Iron Chef type tasting at the end of it all, complete with subtitles? How exactly does that work? And how would the chef test their work? They couldn't exactly taste a spoonful out of the pot just to make sure it was seasoned correctly.

After scouring google for a bit, I found some solid recipes in September 1983's issue of "Mothering Magazine" but not much beyond that. Apparently it's because you're supposed to eat the placenta raw in order to gain the delicious hormonal nutrient fun. So, I guess smoothies are actually the way to go.

I think if I ever had kids, I'd probably serve myself up a placenta smoothie just so I could call myself a cannibal. And then I'd probably dehydrate the rest, put it in storage, and at a later point in time feed it to my kids so that they'd also be cannibals.

Then again, I'd also be the kind of person to get pregnant just so that I could tell people I had a parasite for 9 months.

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*The alternate title of this blog post is: Why I Will Never Be Allowed to Have Children

15 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:18 PM

    i'm a chef, and i don't think placenta is a good ingredient for recipes^^
    Nice blog!

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  2. Anonymous5:18 PM

    You are disgusting. Go out and socialize; at least try to be normal for a short while.

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  3. Jess you've been sober too long.

    You are getting drunk asap.

    That post has disturbed me greatly. I think Im gonna go barf.

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  4. Jessica, you are disgusting.
    Love,
    Jessica

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  5. Andrew6:20 PM

    You know, the odd thing is I had a disturbingly similar conversation with a bunch of guys last week at lunch. We were discussing such exotic dishes as raw horse meat, monkey-on-a-stick, dog, cat, and human brain. I'm pretty placenta came up in there somewhere too.

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  6. That is remarkably funny to me as well, because as I was typing this, all I could think is, "Andrew is the only one who is probably actually going to laugh at this blog entry and understand it as opposed to just being completely appalled by my abhorrent commentary."

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  7. haha you are disgusting, but this is a pretty Jess like entry. Not sure I have ever heard a vegetarian talk this way before, then again, there is no way I would even put you in a category. Nonetheless, Jess this is disturbing. Come to Ottawa soon, I want to take you to my restaurant, and go hat shopping.

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  8. I still don't find the humour in this Jess. But I'll take your word that its there. Maybe I need to get out the house.

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  9. My Mrs has a good friend from undergrad who taught in underprivledged Indiana schools. One of her students was named "Placenta". Placenta's mama didn't have a name picked out and, in the midst of the birthing process, became convinced that "Placenta", which she had heard for the first time that day from the doctor, was a wonderful and beautiful name for her joyous newborn bundle.

    "Placenta, can you please come to the board?"

    While I consider consuming the placenta to be on the extreme end of the Naturalism spectrum, I can certainly understand the rationale behind it. If I were (a) female and (b) faced with this question, I would probably opt out of consumption and use it, instead, as fertilizer for a native tree marking the occasion.

    I'd never be able to eat smoothies again! And no one wants that!

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  10. Anonymous10:03 PM

    Oh it's funny, but it doesn't change the fact that your humour is disgusting. Good entry though. Twisted.

    Don't ever give birth either. Seriously.

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  11. " Don't ever give birth either. Seriously." Alex is awesome!

    Can you imagine Naomis reaction to this post Jess?!

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  12. Ah, Naomi would surprise us all. She has a habit of doing that. Here we would be, thinking she'd be disgusted, but then she'd probably pull out recipes she's been compiling since she was 5, scrapbook them for me complete with glitter and pages that smell like gingerbread, and send them to me with a flowery card and a sweet note.

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  13. hahaha so right on the Naomi front. Reasons we love her part 1. ps. Remember when you used to send Sunday night postcards. I miss this.

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  14. Anonymous1:56 PM

    People all over the world eat placenta, in parts of the workd where nutrients are hard to come by mothers often eat their placenta. Animals do it all the time, and aren't human just animals with conciousness??
    I say pass the salt.

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