Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Bittersweet Numbers

A lot of people don't seem to understand when I say I'm nervous to come home. Here's one of the reasons:

Do you know that feeling of dread you get in the pit of your stomach when you think about encountering your ex-lover, ex-boyfriend, ex-boss, or ex-best friend? You know that feeling that engulfs you when you are literally faced with something or someone you dread?

Okay, well, in the city the size of Toronto, running into one of these people/problems is still a possibility, but a greatly diffused one. While there is always the constant chance that it might happen, you can generally speaking breathe a sigh of relief that it's highly unlikely, and even if you manage to spot someone on the TTC, you can pretend that you didn't see them.

Toronto's also about 4.5 million people, including the GTA. Cold Lake, including the surrounding area is roughly 12, 000 people. Therefore, if my mathematical corrections are correct, in Cold Lake it is 375 times more likely that you will run into someone or a situation that you'd rather avoid.

Now, if we want to throw more numbers into the mix, multiple the number of people I know in Toronto by roughly 19 (because I lived in Cold Lake for a considerably longer period of time), which ups the variable of how many people and situations I possibly want to avoid. Also, keep in mind that right now I'm approximately 3100 km away from everything I want to possibly want to forget.

Add it all up, and I've got avoidance issues.


  1. We all have issues. Im still having issues over the loss of the bunnies.

  2. i understand this totally. i get that with pei.

  3. The only place where "the past" exists is in your mind. It is a construct of your own cognicence.

    You and I occupy "the now". "The past" is nothing more than the memory of your experiences in "the now".

    Furthermore, "the past" outlines exactly how to you've obtained your geographical, spiritual, academic, and financial coordinates in "the now". If you changed any of your memories of "the past" you would occupy a much different "now".

    So, embrace your memories and your past because they are directly responsible for making you exactly who you are. It is the DNA of your life's story. Change any little detail and you are a different person altogether.

    I, too, used to try to forget about stupid things (and people) from my past -- until I arrived at that realization. It has made me much more at ease with the universe. I just thought I'd pass it on. Believe it if you need it.