1. I check craig’s list at least once a day to see if I’m a “missed connection.”
Actually, that was a lie. I stare intensely at strangers on the streetcar, then check craig’s list at least three times a day to see if I’m a MC. I never am.
2. I own 11 dresses and 15 skirts, but only 4 pairs of jeans.
3. I tell people I’m allergic to strawberries. But really, I just don’t like them.
4. I have stayed overnight at the largest squat in Europe. I slept in a graffitied loft with only three walls and 11 Finnish boys from punk hardcore bands for warmth, and awoke in the morning to a vegan breakfast.
5. I took highland dance lessons for 8 years. It is a completely useless skill. Except, of course, when you are drunk and happen to be passing by a bagpiper during the Fringe who is packing up for the night, and he looks disheartened, so you bombard him with requests to play a strathspey and reel, until he looks at your with the light of recognition in his eyes, and happily busts his chanter and pipes back out and you begin to dance for him and the intoxicated crowd, and earn the nickname Ingrid, which isn't a Scottish name at all.
But other than that, it’s a completely useless skill.
6. My middle name is Wynne. (Pronouced “win”). It means “pale or fair-skinned.” It also means that my parents have a sense of humour.
7. On two separate occasions I have dislocated one of my ribs. On both occasions, I was merely at the driving range with my dad.
8. I work as a resume advisor at my university. Students come in to see me, and I’m expected to criticize their resumes using a ‘sandwich technique.’ That is, I’m expected to say something positive about their resumes combined with a constructive critique.
For example:
“Well, you put your name on your resume, that’s awesome! Unfortunately, there is no way in hell you are going to get a job with this piece of shit.”
Or:
“Good job on using 12 point font! However, there is no way in hell you are going to get a job with this piece of shit.” (Just joking. I’m actually really nice at work and my clients like me. I even edit the resumes with a pink pen, because I think it makes me seem a notch nicer than I really am.)
9. I hate carbonated beverages. When I buy pop, I open it up and let it go flat before I drink it.
10. I have a birthmark shaped like a heart on my stomach.
Things You Know About Me:
1. I'm a narcissist.
I had no idea that it was possible to dislike strawberries. Do you dislike the fruit itself or the artificial flavor that claims to be strawberry? I love watermellon, for example, but hate the artificial watermellon flavor that makes a watermellon Jolly Rancher taste like watermellon. They make that shit by the barrel-full in a North Jersey factory, you know!
ReplyDeletewhat is craigs list?
ReplyDeleteI like the new blog look. I'm sorry the Cary Brothers show was cancelled tonight. Today I went to the doctor's for a physical. I feel violated and thought only you would understand. My ankle still hurts even though I didn't hurt it. I'm playing Scrabble tomorrow, but sadly not with you. It turns out my midterm is not until Thursday. And, I'm a narcissist too.
ReplyDeletei used to take highland dancing lessons. there was a lot of pressure on me and my sister to do good as my aunt was a world champion. our class would always have little mini award ceremonies. my sister would win the 'fancy feet' awards and i would win the 'good sport' awards cause i was a fat kid and i sucked. my sister won a million trophies and I won two. I loved my life.
ReplyDeleteRev: All of the above. I just don't like strawberries. It's partially because when I was 15 I got incrediably sick and was hospitalized for a week. The doctors never established why I was sick, but the last meal I ate was strawberries. (I didn't really care for them before that point in time. Something about the texture, or the seeds, or the little hairs. Or the flavour. I'm not entirely sure.)
ReplyDeleteMelissa- Essentially Craig's List in online classifieds.
http://www.craigslist.org
If you go to it, click on "Ottawa" (in your case) and check out Missed Connections. It will be become blatantly obvious to you what it is.
Snailians- I never had to compete. Twice a year, an examiner would come from Scotland to see us dance, but that was about as far as it got. I went to watch competitions though, and was terrified by it.