Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I'd settle for a rooftop patio.

What ever happened to screen doors?

Justin Urlacher claims the beer at Rexall Place tastes like licking screen door.

I remember the taste of screen door distinctly. On a warm summer evening in the waning light, I'd press my tongue up against the mesh, imprinting it with a waffle pattern. I'd pull my face away to be entirely fascinated by the spit bubbles still left in the screen.

Ah, the taste of licking screen door.

I don't know why I'm feeling nostalgia for screen doors in the middle of winter, but I'm left wondering why all these new pre-fabricated homes lack screen doors. Even my parents replaced the screen door/heavy door combo on our nearly 20-year-old house with a fancy looking door that everyone has difficulty opening.

I mean, screen doors haven't outlived their use. They still let in a cool breeze in the evenings, and you can still hear the sounds of the neighbourhood activity outside. And more importantly, kids still need to lick screen doors so that when they finally taste the beer at Rexall Place, they know how to properly identify it.


  1. listen to the song "Buttercup" by Brad... i think it's got something about screen doors in it. either that or i just have some sort of associative memory connection with that song and screen doors. whatever. this song feels like what it feels like to press your face against the screen door and lean there, looking out into the dark backyard with the fireflys, the screen bending outward with the weight of your head, but all the time trusting it not to break, to be the precarious safety net between your childhood and the outside world.

  2. Screen doors have gone the way of pull-tab soda cans, jugband music, old-growth forests and sustainable urban planning. Just another casualty of "the progress of Man".

  3. wanna know something completely random and useless. if you mix, jager and grape juice, it tastes like the blue smelly felt. No lie. I miss smelly felts. i wonder if kids still use them to this day. another thing i miss, playdoh. that shit was crazy fun.

  4. My grandparents still have their screen door. I used to curse it when I'd go in through the back yard during the summer because the handle would be so hot, it would nearly burn my hand. Plus I enjoyed it for nearly all the same reasons you guys did. And smelly felts... gotta love 'em.


  5. I walked into a screen door once. Everybody laughed. I will have my revenge.

  6. Wait now, you can't say it was a success and not tell everyone how much you made... come on now...