I have high standards.

Follow-up to the Craig's List Posting:

Initially, I was going to post all the photos of beards that guys sent me via e-mail on the blog, with the purpose of discussing their facial hair at length, and perhaps offering the opportunity for a group critique.

However, for some reason, I can't lower myself to that level. Instead, I've decided to post some of the replies I've received, along with explainations for why I ignored their messages. Since I received over 50 replies to my posting, I've selected the funniest and oddest ones, and will be providing them over the rest of the week as a series.

(And if you're wondering, yes, I did respond to one message I got. I just can't resist the beards.)

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"Not sure if my “beard” is what you’re looking for.. I don’t have it as a full fledged beard, since it doesn’t go too well with the shaved head if I’ve got the shagadellic-ness you seem to want. I definitely have the ability to grow full-fledged though. Back in university it was about 5 inches of shag. . ."

This was the first reply I received. I was blown away by the writer's detailed description of his beard. However, I didn't respond to this message because he used the phrase "shagadellic". (There is a reason for the title of this post.)

"hi i saw your add in craglist
your profile is nice and intresting like to here from you
thankyou"

"hi hi.....can i have your number...i am 25 asian.."

My favourite thing about these e-mails was the obvious nature of the fact that they hadn't actually read my posting, and just has a form message to send out to girls that post on Craig's list. I got a ton of messages like this. The reason I didn't reply is obvious.

"Should I also chop down trees, wear high heels, suspenders and a bra? Put on some women's clothing, just like my dearpapa? =)"

Uhhhhh. . .The weird thing is, this was the entire message. It hasn't been altered in any way.

[Edit: Yes, I know now that this is a Monty Python reference. However, I would just like to clarify that despite my love of the Flying Circus I NEVER get pop culture references regardless of their source.]

"I'm not sending you a picture since I don't want you to only like me for my good looks or my beard. But, if you want to tell me more about yourself then I might respond to you.

But, my dream in life is to become wealthy so I can grow a dirty beard like Ryan Dunn

But, as I am a lawyer, it's difficult to go to court and argue with that beard. I wish though...

I do have one though."

I appreciate the fact that this guy used his e-mail as an opportunity to 1) express his desire to be wealthy 2) point out that he's a lawyer (is this supposed to be a selling point?) and 3) is apparently ridiculously good looking to the point where it could possibly overshadow his brilliant personality. Right.

And now, I present you with the worst reply I recieved:

"I was browsin thru diff postings and urs caught my spl attn....A beard as a selection criteria is somethin really new to me.....it is somethin i hav never heard of but at the same time i am happy to bump across such posting.....ya, u hav guessed it right...am a guy with a full fledged beard......i always thot beard is a big turn off for women but i guess not in ur case :) so this has motivated me to write this mail.....i dunno how often u chk ur inbox....so am not sure when i wud get a reply to this mail but i will be eagerly awaiting one every day.....as rgrds pic... i prefer to start with some chattin on msn or yahoo ( i hav my pics thr) my id's are.... "