Vanessa's 20th Birthday

Yesterday, I was walking down Queen Street to get my hair extensions taken out (I'm sick of being a liar and a fraud) when I ran into Julia, who invited me out for Vanessa's birthday.


Jess, Julia and the Birthday Girl, Vanessa

After meeting up with the kids at Subway, we jumped in a cab and headed to Dance Cave. I knew it was going to be a good night when I brought up "action songs" and we not only pulled out an awesome rendition of Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now," but discovered that we still remembered all the words and actions to the Spice Girls, "Stop Right Now," or whatever the hell the song was called.

Which we proceeded to sing for the rest of the cab ride.



Mark was still bitter that I managed to get Methods of Mayhem's "Get Naked" stuck in his head for an entire day, and I don't think he was too pleased with my encouragment of Spice Girls inspired musicals in the back of a cab.


While standing line at Dance Cave, Vanessa revealed to me that she used to be a child model.


At least, that's what I understood from these poses.


Julia got in one last pose before we reached the front of the line.


This was the last time Mark and I saw the girls before we lost them for a while.


But we continued with the song inspired dance actions.
"Call me, call me anytime." -Blondie


"Hungry Like the Wolf!" -Duran Duran

(Also, a terrifying picture of me. I look like some sort of prehistoric bird with bloodshot eyes. As a footnote, I'd like to let you all know that I did look spectacularly hot last night, even minus the extensions. I wore my new Ben Sherman dress, and my knee high boots. This is not extraneous information, but rather vital to the events that transpired. Or rather, didn't transpire. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I don't always look like a prehistoric bird with bloodshot eyes. The End.)


What song was this? It was a song that involved something about punching buttons.


"Hungry Like the Wolf"
My new favourite picture of Mark.


Then, we found the girls again!




Mark and I were mocking something. Although I can't quite remember what.


I took a picture of Vanessa kissing this guy.


But then I got jealous, and insisted Vanessa kiss me as well.


And of course, a night at Dance Cave isn't complete with running into a few regulars. Pierre and Charles.


Again, I suspect I was mocking something. Or someone. I know, it's shocking, that I would be mocking someone, but it's a true story.
Then again, there's always the chance that I was genuinely dancing like this.


I felt so short.


Julia picked up this guy. At the end of the night, she decided she wasn't interested in him because he was too short. Personally, I would have rejected him because of the outbreak of herpes on his lip. (Also featured- the guy in the blue shirt walked me home, because I was too stubborn to pay for a cab. It's a long walk. He was a cute kid.)


Okay, this is actually my new favourite picture of Mark. Except his tongue scares me.


Another regular- Erica.


By the time the end of the night rolled around, everyone was coupling off. Julia, Vanessa and Jess had all hooked up, and been hit on nonstop.

As for me, no one had even approached me all night, let alone hit on me. There I was, looking hot, and not at all like a prehistoric bird with bloodshot eyes, and I was alone.


Except for this guy, who smoothly tried what I call the "ass rape" dance move at the end of night. Except whenever I would turn around to look at who this guy was, he would scurry away! Mark caught him and my reaction to his tactic on camera. Note his hand on my side. This was not discreet at all. Also note that I'm making one of the strangest faces known to man. Actually, up until this point it wasn't even known to man. I am actually responsible for introducing it.

But I'm disgressing here.

Is there something wrong with me? Do I give off some sort of a vibe that repells male suitors? I'm so confused and down-trodden.