Due to the fact I'm beyond exhausted, I have nominated two co-authours for the night: my friend Mr. Gianni Estrada Valentino III Esquire DDS and Edna.
The night began in the most unpredictable fashion- a colouring contest.
Brandon- pure colouring cockiness.
GEV: I wanted Brandon to win.
Edna: You're not my best friend anymore Gianni Estrada Valentino, you've been taken off the list.
Brie-the face of a fierce colouring champion.
GEV: You mean like a Christmas card list? Because I'd be crushed if I was taken off your Christmas card list!
Edna: I guess you'll just have to wait and see.
GEV: I thought we already covered that one.
Edna: This is only going to be funny to us. [laughing hysterically]. Everybody's going to be like, "What the fuck? What are these captions?"
Edna: Is that when he bit me?! There was violence.
GEV: I was impressed by the amount of heart he showed, that was dedication.
Edna: It hurt! There's a mark on my finger. There's an extra dent that wasn't there before.
GEV: Seriously, where is my cookbook? Is Monique online right now, I want you to find out stat!
Fast forward to roughly two hours later (and by two hours, I mean two hours. . .the contest took longer than anticipated) and Brandon took control of the situation by ripping up Brie's picture, chewing on it, and proceeding to spit it into the sink.
Edna: What a jerk! That was a winning fucking colouring contest! And he shoves it in his mouth!
GEV: I liked how he spit it in the sink.
My dear friend Gianna Estrada Valentino is visiting me from Alberta.
GEV: Good for me.
Edna: Was that when I hated Mike? Or was then when I was going to keep him?
GEV: I think you liked me before the colouring contest.
Edna: You were being such a jerk. You were interefering with the colouring contest.
GEV: I was support. I was building character.
Edna: Jess and Brie are so hot because they are the only ones who dressed up. Even if we're dorky, we're sexy dorky. Like hot, sexy geeks.
GEV: Who's Canice? Does Canice read your website? I'm never going to see her again.
Edna: Don't be mean!
GEV: I'm not going to say anything bad.
Edna: That's so not cool. [referring to Paul's hand thing that is going on]
GEV: No comment. [falling over on the floor] This is just one of those things I have to keep to myself. But don't write that Jessica. People are going to think, "If Gianni Estrada Valentino ever comes back, I'm going to stab him!"
Edna: In the eye!
Edna: Courtney and Bud. We had a cat named Budweiser. We called her Buddy.
Edna: Jess, your bed is more comfortable than mine.
GEV: I like people who are eye level with me. I like her because she's tall. You can trust short people.
GEV: Who's Andy?
Edna: [hysterically laughing] I don't think he likes me.
GEV: Oh yah! I remember that guy! He reminds me of Derrick Martineau.
GEV: It doesn't really have a lot of character to it, that picture.
Edna: That's too bad.
GEV: I'm going to let you in a little secret. She's really, really short.
Edna: She's shorter in real life.
GEV: I didn't know they made people that short in real life.
Edna: Oh no! You didn't say that!
GEV: Jessica, I still have to be here for a few days.
Edna: The first half of the night gets two thumbs up!
GEV: My favourite part was "To the dance cave!" I was proud that I drank 9 beer before we left. I didn't know I had it in me.
Today, GEV took me to the CN tower because I've never been before, and because it's the typical touristy Toronto thing to do.
GEV: I was pretty fucking scared. And I'm the toughest thing going. It was all a joke. I was joking the whole time. I wanted to make Jessica feel better about almost getting blown off.
GEV: Was that before or after you almost got blown off? Friggin Mission Impossible right against the side of the tower because she thought she was going to fall off!
GEV: I think the happiest part of my trip so far was taking a pee at the top of the CN tower.
Edna: At the top? Or off the side?
GEV: You could get could distance! And how come it never occurred to me not to spit off the side?
After I nearly puked sitting on top of the glass floor, Gianna Estrada Valentino and I went downstairs and to the arcade. Let it be noted here that I won at Cruisin' USA. That's right- I beat Mike!
GEV: You're not going to tell people about that are you? That's embarassing. Let me tell you, it wasn't a very proud moment.
GEV: We were walking and Jessica kept touching me. And I was like, "Jessica, we're in the middle fo the street! Stop trying to have sex with me!" Then we stopped by a variety store and bought some clown shoes and magic tricks...I don't think this has anything to do with the picture anymore.
New York is a hell of a town.
GEV: Do you think I could get one?
Edna: Ambulances don't stop for red lights! Did you guys ever play that game? You try to feel somebody up! Isn't that funny. It was funny in grade eight! I feel nauseous.
GEV: Do you want some Pepto?
*GEV: Jessica, I think you need to put some explosions into that title. Or theme music. Or something.