Sunday, October 30, 2005

5 Parties and a Diner

After pulling myself out of bed yesterday night, it was time to get the ball rolling again and start getting ready to go.

Courtney was colour co-ordinated with her room.

Party #1

First, we headed to Junior and Taylor's apartment, where I was revoked of my spanking duties, because apparently I wasn't spanking hard enough. Junior took over. (It occurs to me now, that Halloween is the only opportunity you have to see one heterosexual guy gleefully spanking another heterosexual guy while dressed as a fireman.)

Whoever commented a couple of weeks ago that you'd like to see more pictures of Courtney, this is your lucky day, since this post is full of them.

Last year, we went to this same party dressed as burlesque showgirls. At the time, everyone was staring at us for our lack of clothing. This year, we were brutally ignored because pretty much every female at the party was clad in little more than lingerie. I guess we're just ahead of our time.

Taylor puts out the fire on his birthday cake.

Party #2

Usually, when you go to parties, you can expect little more than half-assed affairs where most people haven't even bothered to dress up. Our second party of the night didn't fall into this category. Our hosts had a full table spread of homemade festive foods. . .

. . .a smoke machine, and later they even handed out "goodie bags." Even the president of Ryerson's Students Union was present.

Hell, the hosts even had matching costumes.
Chris and Katie. (It was Katie's birthday too!)

Red was there. This was the best "inanimate object" pose he could muster.

And then I ran into these girls, who I didn't even recognize because of the wigs.
Robin and Carla are both in journalism, and Carla used to live on the same floor as Brie, Sasha and Katrina in residence last year.

Party #3

Despite Chris and Katie's awesome hospitality, we went upstairs to the 26th floor of the same apartment building to see Jonny. . .

. . .and Justin, who I didn't even recognize. Apparently, wigs really confuse me.

Brie somehow managed to score a mug that matched her outfit.

Party #4

Later, we met up with Sasha, Katrina and Jared to go to the same keg party Courtney I went to last year.

Yet again, we saw some more familiar faces:

The infamous bush that I fell in last year. . .

. . .and this guy! Who apparently wasn't a lamp, but was instead a tube of toothpaste or something. He seemed to know me fairly well, despite the fact that I don't remember him at all. After taking this picture solely because his appearance made me laugh, I quickly ended the conversation before I found out what I had been up to the previous night.

Luckily, the police showed up to break up the keg party, so the conversation wasn't too hard to end.

And outside, I ran into Natalie, who is also in my program and lived on the same floor in residence as Brie, Sasha, Katrina and Carla.

Frustrated that we had been to four parties, and nothing had "happened" worthy of story-telling, we went back home to regroup our strategy.

And Mark was there.

As were Katrina and Jared, who we had lost earlier.

Sasha, Court and I were determined to make something of the night. We headed to Party #5 at Adrift Skateshop in Kensington, but were frustrated to discover that it was winding down and emptying out.

So instead we went to Fran's diner and ate breakfast and celebrated the fact that Daylight Savings Time ended, and that we would get to sleep in an extra hour the next morning.

Because if we're good at anything, it's eating and sleeping.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Prehydration Pictures

Well, I'm mobile again, and drinking some delicious iced tea, before I start in on the rye and coke again.

So, just for the hell of it, I'm posting pictures of Halloweens past.

My cousin Katherine, Chloe and I all dressed up in togas. By the end of the night, I had acquired half a set of handcuffs, a gun, and when I got undressed, plastic pumpkins tumbled out of my underwear. The night was such a disaster that I vowed I would never drink again.

2003: This was about a week into my sobriety, and the classic "lingerie model" costume. Katherine told me I would be her hero for a year if I wore this to the bar. (Then again, she also said the same thing the time that a stripper wanted me to flash her. But that's another story.) Not only did I wear it to the bar, sober, but I also dance on the stage with this guy. My favourite thing about this picture is the direction his gaze is blantantly going in.

2001: Grade Eleven.
Janel and I went out to a base dance. We were the only people there dressed for Halloween. The sad part is though, this wasn't a costume for me. This is actually how I dressed in high school. But, if you've seen my driver's liscense from that same year, this should come as no surprise.

This was my Halloween costume that I wore to school that same year. Yes, I was a Gap Pod Person, complete with butterfly hair clips. My most terrifying costume to date.

Courtney and I were burlesque showgirls, Brie was Marilyn Monroe, and Sasha was catwoman.

From the Calendar. October 2004.
Chloe and I got creative with tinfoil.

Naughty Boys Deserve Spankings

It's a couple of hours later, and I'm sitting in bed drinking some mystery tea that Sasha, my witch-doctor roomate, concocted. (Brie swears that this particular tea works, once you get past the fact that it tastes like those Scratch and Sniff Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stickers that smelled like pizza. Not that Brie has actually eaten one of those stickers before. We're talking completely hypothetically here.)

Anyways, apparently after Brie put me in a cab home last night, her memory began to lapse, so she doesn't remember much about the night.

And the photographic evidence doesn't help.


Brie and I met Frank for lunch around 1:00 in the afternoon, which is when we started drinking.


Things to note about my costume: I sewed my apron. Also, the spoon proved useful in giving spankings where I felt it was necessary. Katrina, in particular, really felt she deserved a spanking. She bent over the table Secretary style. Her boyfriend and his brother seemed to enjoy our enthusiasm.

I just think I'd make a really good dominatrix.

Brie was Rainbow Bright.

For further clarification, I was a '50s housewife. In previous years, I've gone as a lingerie model, and last year I was a burlesque showgirl. I thought it was about time to pull out a wholesome costume.

Brie's awesome makeup in the cab.

I have reason to believe that I thought I was being sexy.

The best part of the night (and the only part I can remember): Brian's homemade asparagus costume.

Vanessa was Camp Caribou. I have no idea what Camp Caribou is, but apparently this was a hit at the party.

I actually don't even remember seeing Vanessa last night. I must have spent some good time with her though.

Shortly before I passed out. I have no idea how I look this lucid.

The last picture taken before I passed out. I have no idea who this guy is, but I knew that I really liked the fact that he was a lamp.

And tonight is Round Two.

I need my photographic documentation!

Right now, I can't remember last night.

I'm at the point where your head throbs, and you want desperately to sleep, but you can't let yourself become unconcious again. That's what you spent last night doing.

Brie has my photographic documentation. I called her half an hour ago, worried. "Can you bring my digital camera home please?"

So far, all I remember is:

Getting in a cab with Brian, who was dressed as an asparagus. (Which, as you can guess, was the highlight of my night. It was a brilliant costume.)

Fast forward to the end of the night, when the party was still in full-swing but Brie insisted I take my heels off to walk down the stairs, where she fetched me a cab, and I went home.


So what happened in between?

I have skin missing from my ankles and bruises forming.

I seriously need Brie to come home with my camera so I can fill in the blank spots.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Problems in China #2: MSN Viruses

In which I document the trials and tribulations of 5 girls living together.

Last year, Courtney and I lived next door to each other in residence (Sasha, Katrina and Brie all lived in the other residence building across the street from us) and I somehow became responsible for keeping Courtney's computer in sufficient running order.

As the Alpha Female in China, my role and responsibility has only increased, because now I have 5 computers to look after instead of just 2.

I was just about to go bed last night around 1 a.m., when I got a MSN message from Courtney. "Hi, is this you. . . [my e-mail address and someother garble]?" and when I clicked on it, it was a .exe file. I knew she was going to come running up the stairs any minute, asking for help. But before she had time to do so, I got the same msn message from Brie.

I lectured Courtney. Mainly because she got a variation of this worm only about six months ago, and I had instructed her at that point in time to not open random executable files people send her over MSN. Apparently she did not heed my advice.

Anyways, I would make this post more interesting, but I have to go fix some computers now, but if you are having the same problem, this link has easy to-follow (and slightly humorous)instructions for removal written for the computer illiterate. Also, since it's hard to locate the name, because the file is hidden, it's svshost.exe

Good luck!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Forgotten Flirting Tactics

Whatever happened to batting your eyelashes? I remember being eight and conjuring up all my feminine wiles in order to practice this maneuver, eager for the day when I could put it into use. I envisioned myself fluttering them coquettishly, emanating Miss Piggy, and having men unable to resist my obvious charms and falling at my feet.

“What’s wrong? Do you have something in your eye?”

Imagine my dismay when I discovered that the eyelash flutter is, generally speaking, restricted to the domain of thick-lashed, two-dimensional television characters.

However, I have recently developed faith that little girls everywhere will be able to use the tactics they practice in between hop-scotch and jump-rope. But we have to pave the way for them. There’s still hope that it can be done- Chloe has been known to flutter her eyelashes with great frequency in the most natural manner possible. (But then again, it must be noted that Chloe is also susceptible to pursing her lips in a style that Mary-Kate Olsen patented.)

Similarly, what about winking? It’s subtle, eloquent, and when done correctly, a lot more effective than walking up to a girl and attempting to start a conversation by saying, “Why aren’t you smiling? You look tired/bored.”* Furthermore, the only guys who have winked at me in recent history have had to interrupt agitated conversations with invisible company in order to do so. I'm pretty sure that I will melt at the feet of the next guy who genuinely winks with me in an effort to flirt, just so long as he appears mentally stable.

These are the forgotten flirting tactics.

First there was MakeOut Campaign 2004. Then there was Reformation 2005. I’m hereby declaring 2006 the Year of the Forgotten Flirting Tactics.

"No, I don't have something in my eye. I'm distinctly being sexy right now."

* This is a pet peeve of mine. NEVER EVER say this to a girl. I guarantee that it drives 99% of females crazy. It’s offensive. Just because a girl is not exposing her thong from the top of a bar while pouring cold water over her white t-shirt doesn’t mean that she is bored or tired. Thanks for coming out, though.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

End of Midterms Dinner Party

Midterm week just ended.

But you can see the aftermath of its effects upon China.

Courtney and RedBull spent some solid time bonding.

But she realized that it was time to say goodbye to their sweet friendship (for the time being) and prepare for our mini dinner party.

Sasha handled the garlic bread, Courtney made a vegetarian pasta, Brie took care of the salad, and I made apple crisp for dessert.

Jonny came over.

With Justin, who we made sit in the "dunce" chair in the corner of the kitchen room.

Eric came over too. Brie's friend Mindy is also visiting from Kingston, but she has an aversion to being photographed.

But the most popular guest was Jonny's new kitten.

On that note, if you have a kitten and bring it over for us to play with, we *will* make you dinner.

Friday, October 21, 2005

This time last week, I was averse to colour.

Pictures from Brie and Katrina's Fashion Photography assignment (all of these pictures were taken to demonstrate different types of lighting, but I have no idea what those types of lighting are, hence the lack of captions):

This is my favourite.

This pose is very "circa 1995." I think I'm going to use it when I apply to model for Sears.

And after I was finished posing like this, I started laughing uncontrollably.